Love. Dating. Marriage.
Knowing how to speak the truth in love is crucial to the foundation of a healthy dating and marriage relationship.
What is Speaking the Truth in Love?
The phrase “speak the truth in love” comes from Ephesians 4:15. To understand that verse’s context, please read Ephesians 4:11-16. Speaking the truth in love is saying that which is doctrinally correct and that which proceeds from a biblically committed life to a person who needs correction. It is done in love to benefit one who needs adjustments to their attitudes or actions.
Why Must We Speak the Truth in Love?
Perhaps you’re thinking, “I have enough problems in my own life, and I certainly don’t need to create more.” We must remember this is not about us; it is about the spiritual welfare of others. We also do this because it is a command, as seen in Ephesians 4, Matthew 18:15-17, and James 5:19-20. From these passages, we would say that we have a responsibility to speak the truth in love not only because it is a command but also for the church's purity. When we don’t confront a sinning brother, we weaken the resolve of the whole church. Also, saving a soul from death and helping him to turn from the error of his way are worthy reasons for doing this. We also cover a multitude of sins, which means that sin stops instead of continuing and being exposed before others.
Why Don’t We Speak the Truth in Love?
The first reason we don’t speak the truth in love is fear of man. We fear losing friendships or straining relationships, which, unfortunately, compounds our sin. In Galatians 1:10, Paul warns us that if we are man-pleasers, we are not servants of Christ. Another reason we don’t speak to others when it is needed is because of fear of rejection. We may be labeled as judgmental or self-righteous. When this happens, we can take great comfort in 1 Peter 2:21-24. We don’t speak the truth in love because we fear not knowing what to say. While this concern is legitimate, it can be easily remedied by being prepared. Paul is clear in Romans 15:14 that all believers can help each other, and in 2 Timothy 2:15, Paul tells us how to be ready for this task. We are competent to counsel, but we must know what the Word of God says to learn how to address each situation.
Where Do We Speak the Truth in Love?
We must speak the truth in love to our hearts. Proverbs 27:19 says, “As in water face reflects a face, so a man’s heart reveals the man.” How can we help someone else without being honest with ourselves first? Are we seeing clearly, or are we clouded by bitterness or resentment? (See Matthew 7:1-5).
We must speak the truth in love in our homes. This does not mean I have to speak my mind on every subject on a given day. But it does mean that if a child, a spouse, or anyone else living in the home has an ongoing pattern of wrong attitudes or actions, I am to address it.
We must speak the truth in love in our houses of worship. This would include anyone who belongs to Christ. We have cited Matthew 18 already, so suffice it to say that when there is an offense, we have a responsibility to go to that person and then make sure we follow through the steps if there is no repentance.
We must speak the truth in love in our hostile world. Please know that practicing this will no doubt incur persecution and hatred. Jesus gives us full warning of this in John 15:18- 25.
How Do We Speak the Truth in Love?
We should pray before, during, and after our conversation with them. Pray that God would open their heart to hear the truth, pray while you’re speaking that your words would not fall on deaf ears or a hard heart, and pray afterward that the dear Holy Spirit would do the work of conviction of sin and lead them to repentance. Coupled with prayer is patience, as Paul says in 1 Thessalonians 5:14.
What is the Result of Speaking the Truth in Love?
Paul gives us several results in 2 Timothy 2:25-26. The first fruit mentioned is repentance, which is a turning from sin. Paul mentions another result: the person we’re speaking to may come to their senses. This means changing their thinking like one awakened from a deep sleep. Another result is to escape the snare of the devil. This is a reference to his tricks. Many do not realize they are being held captive by the evil one. “Speaking the truth in love” is a famous phrase used often in Christian circles, but are we doing it effectively for the glory of God? Speaking the truth in love in a post-truth world is challenging, but a wise Christian will remember the wisdom of Solomon’s words in Proverbs 8:7: “For my mouth will speak truth; wickedness is an abomination to my lips.” Read more from Susan Heck's How to Speak the Truth in Love by the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors.
Articles
Speaking the Truth in Love by Ligonier Ministries (article) - Sometimes, the best way to love your neighbor is to challenge a false belief holding him in confusion, discouragement, or some worse spiritual bondage. The idea that it's unloving to defend truth or confront lies is one of the arrogant opinions of this postmodern age that needs to be torn down (2 Cor. 10:5). Authentic love "rejoices with the truth" (1 Cor. 13:6).
Pursuing Godly Marriages by Sinclair Ferguson (video) - Christians are called to hold marriage in honor (Heb. 13:4). In this message, Dr. Sinclair Ferguson considers how the Bible provides instruction for both husbands and wives to pursue their callings before the Lord so that marriages and families might glorify Him and shine as lights in a dark world.
What Is Love? by R.C. Sproul (article) - love is so vital to the Bible’s teachings that John tells us, “God is love.” The essence of love, 1 Corinthians 13 tells us, is to seek the welfare of others. A person who reflects God’s love is driven to give of himself for others, not to wield his power for his benefit.
Puritans On Marital Love by Joel Beeke (article) - The Puritan view of marital love was overwhelmingly positive because the Bible informed it. They delighted in the love of God and every form of love commanded by God among mankind. In particular, they rejoiced in the love shared by husband and wife and called married couples to love each other romantically, wholeheartedly, and perseveringly.
Peace in Marriage by Rebecca VanDoodewaard (article) - A husband and wife who have each been reconciled to God through Christ’s atonement are at peace with God. Secure in their relationship with Him, they can be vulnerable, honest, and forgiving with each other and pursue Christlikeness as a team.
How to Speak the Truth in Love by the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors, Susan Heck (article) - too often, we speak lies instead of truth, appeal to people’s emotions rather than intellect, and be friends of the world rather than Christ. Speaking the truth in love is saying that which is doctrinally correct and that which proceeds from a biblically committed life to a person who requires correction. It is done in love to benefit one who needs adjustments to their attitudes or actions.
In this sermon, Phil Johnson delves into the essence of true Christian love and its inseparable connection with truth, based on the teachings of 2 John. With clarity and depth, Johnson explains the apostle's teachings about love, truth, the dangers of false teachings, and the complexities of love and truth in the Christian faith, highlighting the importance of conviction and discernment.
Johnson opens the sermon by addressing the challenges of the postmodern worldview, emphasizing the vital need for certainty and conviction in a world that often prizes tolerance above truth. Christian love is not merely a sentiment but a conventional force communicating hard truths, even unpopular ones. Johnson encourages believers to embrace a love that is grounded in truth, urging caution against those who distort the Gospel. He makes a persuasive case for the proper Christian response to false teachings, emphasizing the need for discernment and fidelity to the apostolic message.
In this episode, Costi Hinn breaks down four types of love and explains the difference between eros, storge, philia, and agape. You’ll learn the difference between these, including the dark side of some of them. Ultimately, genuine love starts with God, and believers are called to imitate Him.
In this episode, Nathaniel and Ekkie discuss God's love and how believers must define love. The world and even professing believers often misuse, misapply, and misunderstand the biblical definition of love. We must define love the way God defines love.
What is the meaning of "Truth in Love?"
In this episode, Ekkie and Nathaniel discuss the often abused phrase "Truth in Love." What does it mean to speak the truth in love, how is it defined, and how do we apply it?
“Do you know how much the Holy Spirit loves you, O saint? Can you measure the love of the Spirit? Do you know how great the affection of his soul towards you is? Go measure Heaven with your span; go weigh the mountains in the scales; go take the ocean’s water, and tell each drop; go count the sand upon the sea’s wide shore; and when you have accomplished this, you can tell how much he loves you. He has loved you long, he has loved you well, he loved you ever, and he still shall love you; surely he is the person to comfort you because he loves.”
Our collection of podcasts related to love, dating, and marriage.
Part 1: In this special Valentine’s Day episode, Tony and Bre discuss true love, whether warm fuzzy feelings, physical attraction, having fun together, or something far more significant.
Part 2: In this special Valentine’s Day episode, Tony and Bre discuss true love, whether warm fuzzy feelings, physical attraction, having fun together, or something far more significant.
What Is A Christian Marriage? A 6-Series Teaching by R.C. Sproul
One of the most precious gifts that God has given to mankind is the gift of marriage. In the marital relationship, God has determined that He will be glorified as husband and wife delight in each other. In this series, Dr. R.C. Sproul takes a practical, pastoral look at the most intimate of human relationships. He shows that if we follow God’s principles, marriage can be a celebration of joyous intimacy — one of life’s greatest delights. Dr. Sproul examines the theology of marriage and its sociology and psychology, covering communication, gender roles, and sex.
“Since marriage refers to Christ and His church, sexual relationships outside of biblical marriage obscure, misrepresent, and even blaspheme Christ and His bride. Therefore, to reject what the Bible reveals about sex and marriage is to reject the Gospel.”
Köstenberger and Jones explore the latest controversies, cultural shifts, and teachings within the church and society and further apply Scripture's timeless principles to contemporary issues. This new edition includes an assessment of the family-integrated church movement, a discussion of recent debates on corporal punishment, singleness, homosexuality, divorce, and remarriage, new sections on the theology of sex and the parenting of teens, and updated bibliographies. This book will be valuable for personal and group study, Christian counseling, and marriage and family courses.
In an age that has seen an almost total collapse of marriage and when, in many cases, marriages end in divorce with children being raised in 'broken homes,’ Dr. Lloyd-Jones" words speak powerfully into our present situation. It is a situation that may be seen as giving Christians, and primarily Christian marriages, a valuable opportunity to bear witness to biblical truth. How Dr. Lloyd-Jones, like the Apostle Paul, deals with marriage relationships is extremely important - to attempt to deal with Christian practice apart from Christian doctrine is to tread a dangerous path. As these chapters on Ephesians make clear, the only Christianity powerful enough to penetrate and change society is that which is derived from the work of the Spirit of God.
God gave humankind the gift of sex. But many couples don't experience the joy and fulfillment God intended. If you've ever been frustrated with a lack of intimacy in your marriage or want to know more about how you can get the most out of your relationship, Intended for Pleasure is for you. This honest resource will answer your questions about sex and sexuality, improving sexual response, sex techniques for pregnancy, birth control, sex at any age, solutions for sexual problems, and much more. All the questions you've been afraid to ask (or didn't even know to ask!) are answered here. A perfect gift for newlyweds and a trusted resource for pastors and marriage counselors, this classic book has helped more than a million people understand and enjoy the gift God intended for pleasure.
Dr. R.C. Sproul shows how marriages can be joyful when grounded in God's wisdom. From sex communication to divorce to the sanctity of marriage, Sproul leads you past potential problems into joyous communion with your spouse in Christ. Dr. Sproul also shares lessons learned from his marriage and includes questions for discussion after each chapter.
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